Saturday, October 29, 2011

What's Cookin?: 10 Cooking School Classes That will Surely Get You Laid

10 Cooking School Classes That will Surely Get You Laid

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Only two things matter in life: sex, and owning a mountain of cash upon which you can ravage hot girls half your age. Cooking school classes are an excellent tool for worming your way into the hearts of hungry, gluttonous hotties everywhere -- and making bank preparing fancy feasts for some celebrity-owned restaurant. Here are 10 cooking school classes that will surely get you laid.

1) Advanced Cakes, Cookies and Plated Desserts

For the raging PMSer, the Chubbs McGrubbs or just the cupcake-loving hipster hottie down the block, there's Advanced Cakes, Cookies and Plated Desserts. Learning how to make fancy desserts with names that make the modern plebeian cringe can attract more mewing kitties than a bag of week old tuna. Not only can you impress the opposite sex with delectable delights such as mousse, macaroons, and brownies, but these treats can be used in the bedroom as well. A little mousse on the nips, some chocolate ribbon around your piece, and maybe a post intercourse brownie (if she deserves it).

2) Chocolate Confections

Chocolate confections can be even more seductive than cakes and brownies. Fudge, butter crunch, molded chocolates, liquid chocolates, and fondue are all part of this cooking school classes course. Just think of the possibilities: a chocolate molded in the shape of your dong, absinthe-filled chocolates to get her blood flowing and her brain slowing, or a sexy fondue poured over strawberries can create an extremely romantic evening.

3) Wine and Beverages

It's a stereotype that women love wine -- one that's very, very true. Men love wine too, but women really love it for more than just the taste. It represents sophistication, class, and romance. It also represents alcohol, and once you get her drunk enough, those first two qualities go into the trash along with your empty wine bottles. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which bottle has the highest alcohol content, but it does take an educated man to gift a woman with a fancy, delicious wine that'll have her panties coming off before she finishes her first glass.

4) Cuisine of France, Italy, and Asia

Learning how to cook foreign dishes are a no-brainer when it comes to snatching snatch. It doesn't really matter if you're learning how to prepare cuisines from France, Italy, Asia, or another foreign country with exotic meal options. Girls love a man who appears to be educated, and being able to make a real italian sauce from scratch or authentic asian dumplings (none of that frozen crap) will certainly trick people (more importantly, women) into thinking you're a cultured gentleman. Cooking school classes can help you memorize and execute a limited number of recipes which you can then wield during dates and friendly gatherings. Women love a generous man, so bring a large plate of Foie whatever to the next picnic -- she'll be impressed by both your cooking prowess and deceitfully kind gesture.

5) Externship

The externship is one of the best cooking school classes out there, mostly because it involves working hands-on in the culinary field. The externship comes at the end of in-class training and involves an internship at a relevant venue nearby. This can aid the getting laid process in two ways. Firstly, there's nothing more impressive than telling a girl that your place of employment is the most swank, exclusive restaurant in town -- and then letting her visit you, at which point you treat her with a free or discounted gourmet meal. Secondly, it's likely that you may meet plenty of hot girls at the place itself. When they see you behind that counter, using your hands so deftly beneath your giant white hat, they'll know what's up. Just send her a complimentary chocolate confection and it's in the bag.

6) Gluten Free

Cooking school offers a number of classes which teach gluten-free cooking, a craze that's growing in popularity these days. Whether it be because of allergies, health reasons, or the irresistible urge to participate in the newest fad diet, gluten-free is totally in. If you love the girl from your job at the movie theatre who is allergic to everything but has yet to notice you, bringing her some gluten-free cookies might be your free ticket to one or more showings.

7) Martini Master Class

Back to the number one love potion: alcohol. The martini mixer class teaches you more than just how to artfully craft the perfect martini. It also covers the history and science behind the martini, which can come in handy when attempting to impress a female with intelligent factoids as you're mixing up her highly potent drink. The class teaches students how to make a variety of martinis, so you'll have options when it comes to your women. Chocolate lover? Coffee lover? Olive hater? No problem, get in here!

8) Mixology

A step up from the martini master class is mixology, where you'll learn how to make awesome alcoholic cocktails including the Bloody Mary, a female favorite. Mothers and their daughters have been getting drunk at brunch off Bloody Marys for ages, so don't underestimate the power of tomato juice with vodka. Bitches love tomato juice with vodka.

9) Elegant Holiday Dinner

If you've got a ball and chain attached to your leg, not to worry. Cooking school classes can even get your frigid wife or long term girlfriend to open up that frosty cave for you. A holiday is usually right around the corner, whether it's a religious one or just your mother-in-law's birthday. Preparing an elegant holiday dinner is the perfect way to get everyone to love you, and your wife/girlfriend won't be able to resist an adults-only dessert later on in the night. If this applies to you, however, you may want to consider jumping off a bridge instead of baking a turkey.

10) Start Your Own Food Blog

Women love blogs way too much. Once they see some fancy text over a hi-res image of cupcakes or pasta sauce, they turn into drooling beasts (but sexy ones…sometimes). Cooking school classes include a plethora of courses on how to start your own food blog, or become a published food writer for other sites. Women love a man who can articulate himself, especially when he can tell the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. Take a picture of every meal you make, slap some textual description on the image, and upload it to your blog. Just make absolutely sure that you have the Reddit widget installed to appear on each page so that you can upvote each of your own posts and hopefully hit the front page a few times. Your blog amounts to little more than a fleeting and disappointing curiosity if you're not popular by way of points.

The cat's out of the bag and waiting to lick up some gourmet-alcoholic-eggnog-with-chocolate-confection concoction out of your lap. Get cooking!

10 Cooking School Classes That will Surely Get You Laid - SocialHype

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